holding pattern

So...it'll be 2 years for me and Tom in October. That's crazy. Unfortunately, we are now entering what shall hereafter be referred to as "the holding pattern." This is going to be the hardest part of our relationship, because we know we want to be married, but we also have things we want to do before we're married. Tom's going to finish his Master's degree and get a real, full-time, family-supporting job and I've got to student teach and go teach English in Spain for a year. With all of this, there's no point in getting engaged anytime soon. Especially because I am an incredibly picky girl who only likes vintage rings that are expensive and with TONS of diamonds.

I know that I'm lucky to have a boyfriend who thinks about our future and wants to make sure he can support me before he does anything. I know that I can't go to Spain for a year if I'm planning a wedding or married. I know I'm only 22 and have plenty of time. I know that when we get engaged and married doesn't prove how much or little Tom and I love each other. I know all these things in my heart, but when everyone I know is getting engaged, married, or having kids....it's hard to not want that too. Tom's been great, but it's not the same for him. He hasn't sat through engagement circles knowing girls are assuming it's you. We've both put up with friends and people asking when they'll be at our wedding. It's just incredibly frustrating to not get to do what I'm dying to do...say yes to the man I love more than I ever thought possible.

There's not really much I can do. I can be patient, and learn to cook, and to be joyful through hard situations. I can try to be a better woman so that when he does ask me, there won't be any reason for anyone to EVER question our relationship and our future and his choice. I'm also TERRIFIED of leaving for a year in Spain. What are we going to do when we can only Skype and email for that long? We can barely handle a summer apart, much less months and months. I'm scared I'll go back to my old ways and be a terrible girlfriend. Sometimes I imagine skipping out on Spain to get a real job somewhere so that things can happen faster, but Tom won't let me give up on my dreams for him. I love that, but part of me wishes he'd say he'd love for me to stay so we can be married sooner.

This really is the lamest complaint ever. "Poor me, my boyfriend wants to wait until he can give me everything to propose and marry me." Whatever, it's my life and it's a problem to me. I can't wait until I can see him again so that I can just enjoy having this time of being young and in love and without all the grownup worries of money and jobs.

Instead of writing a paper, I give you this list. And because I'm super forgetful and don't ever want to forget how my relationship is right now. I love being where we are, I love where we're going, and I LOVE the idea of proving everyone wrong when our relationship is made better by me being in Spain for a year.

Who is your man? Tom, otherwise known as Thomas, Tomas, Tom T. Harrison

How long have you been together? 1 and 1/2 years (straight!)

How long did you date? 1 and 1/2 years.

How old is your man? 22. he's 5 days older than me.

Who eats more? depends what it is, and how hungry I am. I guess Tom though.

Who said "I love you" first? I don't know...I think I said it, he thinks he said it.

Who is taller? Tom by 3 inches.

Who sings better? me

Who is smarter? Tom's an aerospace engineer...I'm a early childhood ed major. Those are two very different types of smarts.

Whose temper is worse? Mine's quicker, but his lasts longer.

Who does the laundry? We do our own, but I help fold his.

Who takes out the garbage? We take out our own, but we help each other sometimes.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? No one...since we dont live together, we each take the middle of our own beds.

Who pays the bills? This question doesn't apply.

Who is better with the computer? Tom, but I am WAY better at using google and facebook.

Who mows the lawn? not applicable.

Who cooks dinner? TOM. I'll help, or be moral support or do homework. Usually, I just talk to him about whatever's going on in my head.

Who drives when you are together? Tom. Unless we're going through a big city, and then I do because I'm a Houston driver.

Who pays when you go out? 75% Tom/25& Me.

Who is most stubborn? Me, and we both know it.

Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Me.

Whose parents do you see the most? Tom's.

Who asked who out? Our first date was the result of a Mario Kart bet....he lost 3 out of 4 games, so he had to take me to dinner. and no, he didn't try to lose! It was the first and only time I won that many races...

Who proposed? not applicable, but we all know I won't be the one proposing.

Who wears the pants in the family? i have no idea.

i suck at doing these

wow...it's been FOREVER since I updated this. Time for more bullet points:

• I work for Girl Scouts teaching robotics classes, even though I have no idea what I'm doing. I love my 5th graders :)
• I graduate in MAY!!! (and I'm starting to freak out about the real world)
• I'm applying to teach English in Spain for a year after I graduate. Cross your fingers I get to go.
• I really think I want to be a bilingual teacher when I start teaching, but I still want to work at a museum so who knows.
• Tom and I are still together. I'm his date to his brother's wedding where he's the best man, so that will be our first big event as a couple. I'm REALLY nervous about meeting everyone and hopefully making a good impression on them.

Tom spent VDay at home with his family celebrating his brother's birthday, and since I can't go because of Scandals auditions, he made me a scavenger hunt around the apartment. He left me a card with my hints and then I got to find different types of chocolate and then a new Bible with a pretty blue and green cover. It was AMAZING. I fell in love with him a little more for that.

I really like taking my Holocaust class. The kids in the class are all different majors, but we're all really interested in the topic, and the professor is one of the best I've ever had. This is why I love college so much....I get to do stuff like this.

CrossFit is going fairly well. I moved up from the lowest workouts and I'm now on the second level out of 4...which is fine with me. I can flip a 185lb tire, which made me feel so badass. I really want to keep going because I love how I feel when I do something I didn't think I'd ever be able to do. Along with that, I'm starting to run more, and I'm also trying to eat more protein and fruits/vegetables and less carbs. I love carbs though, so I'm struggling with that.