collection of random thoughts

1) I miss Jack terribly. I'm ready for him to come home from Spain, or at least find a way to communicate with me while he's there. I just want my boyfriend home closer to me. I need my best friend back.

2) My mom wants to pay my sorority dues because she's so happy that it's been such a positive influence on me. That's all well and good, but part of me thinks that she's going to be paying KT's dues and just doesn't want to be unfair. And if you know me at all, you know that I've been saying that if KT's dues get paid for by them, I'm getting them to pay mine, but right now I really like the independence of paying my own dues. It's nice to afford something I really want. We'll see what happens.

3) Watching the Olympics is amazing, but part of me still gets a little sad when I watch the swimming. Now I know I was never on track to be that caliber, but still, it's hard to watch my favorite events knowing that I've swam my last competitive races. (Just wait, I'm going to be a Master's Swimmer someday because I can't sit out that long) My grandma was over tonight watching with us, and was talking about how all three of us kids are good swimmers, and how KT is at a school with an amazing swim program and she wanted to know if KT was swimming there. So we ended up discussing the types of swimmers we were. Basically, I was pure heart. I don't think my technique was great, nor was I really fast, but I was so competitive that I'd win a race just by sheer will. I'd rather die then let someone beat me, and I've never been happier than when I was pushed to the limit and prevailed. That's the part of me that sometimes wishes I'd quit theatre to swim. It's complicated, but I just feel like I missed out on something and I can't get it back.

4) Speaking of Jack, my mom and I were discussing how we felt about him meeting my grandpa before he started declining, and I said I was happy grandpa had met him at all, implying that if I do marry Jack someday and Grandpa was dead, at least he'd met him and got to know him. My mom said that she was fine with me marrying him someday, and that her only complaint was that I was too young, but that time had fixed that. She said that before we got married or engaged, we should spend time in the same town, seeing each other everyday. Wise words, but it was weird to hear my mom approve of a future marriage, and to think that I'm getting old enough to make that decision soon.

5) I feel so confident this summer. I've gotten my dream internship and then ROCKED it, leading to a future job next summer if I want it. It's amazing to know what that does to your self-worth. I've proven myself to others, and had the time of my life doing it. I've reached a place where I'm happy with what God's given me, and I don't want anything more right now. I want to go back to school, take my confidence there and build on it. I want to be a grownup girl, not a teenager.

6) Six word memoirs are amazing. Try writing your life in 6 words, and see how cool it is. Here are some of my favorites from the preview video for the book:
Danced in a field of possibility. -Deepak Chopra
Revenge is living well, without you. -Joyce Carol Oates
Not a good Christian, but trying. -Alexander Tsai
Bad reputation, such a good girl. -Erin Oldroyd

Current State of the Union (of Texas)

• Speedo has a new swimsuit called the LZR suit. Around 27 world records have been broken in it. I officially can NOT wait until the Olympics start. It's going to be the greatest swim meet I've ever seen. And the science in the suit makes me want to change my major and work on developing more suits like that.
  
• Jack's little brother Joseph is at Camp this week, and I'm his ride to and from it. It's actually really fun to get to hang out with him one on one, and he's a pretty cool little kid. He's really enjoying camp, and it's awesome getting to see his excitement about the things he gets to do there.
• I've been offered a walking stick bug from the Museum as a pet if I want it. They're the coolest bugs ever. They just pretend to be sticks for 12 hours of the day, shake when they walk, and even blow spit drops at you if you stare at them for too long. Plus, they're half-blind so they just hang out if you pick them up and hold them. They're cute too. The sad thing is, my mom doesn't want one in the house, so I can't get it until right before college. It's gonna be awesome.
• Work is great. I got to volunteer my neck to help create a strangulation scenario for the CSI camp. The rope marks that are on my neck are going to be part of the crime scene and the kids are going to have to make rope impressions to figure out which rope strangled me. It's pretty fun to get to do that to help kids learn.
• I miss Jack horribly, but he gets home Thursday night or Friday morning, and he'll be here for a week. I can't wait. We're going to an Astros game Sunday, and will hang out a lot next week.
• I spend all my time working, and when I get home I fall asleep pretty early. I rarely get online, which is why these posts have been few and far between.
• The Tudors is my favorite cable TV show, next to Psych, but I have to watch it on DVD because I don't get Showtime. I've been immersed in Tudor England for the past few days, and actually had a dream about being part of the court last night. I think I'm officially a nerd.
• I need to think of more interesting things to write about.
  

There's something 'bout a man in black that makes me wanna buy a cadillac

I need concerns, problems, and feelings to share in order to have things to talk about in my weekly supervisor meetings that will be reported to the VolunteerHouston people. But I don't. Sadly, I am well-adjusted, can handle stress and new situations, and generally coexist very well with the people I work with. This makes for a very boring meeting.

But, luckily for us, the meeting was held on the way to Sam's Club where we were treated to delicious samples of cheesecake, chicken, and assorted other goodies, including shaved Parmesan cheese....which I don't understand. I love that cheese, but not a cup of shaved pieces all by their lonesome.

*NEWSFLASH* My future fiance is now going to have to find a way to top this. A diamond that used to be a star is officially the coolest thing in the world. As someone who is obsessed with stars, and is refusing to own any real diamonds until my engagement ring, I'm immediately thinking that they should somehow get parts of that diamond to Earth where I can get a ring made from them. Tiffany & Co.- I nominate you.

This week was the first real week of camp, which means I've been AWOL since I work very full days now and worked even more the week before getting ready for all the chaos. Anyway, camp is pretty much amazing. I got to assist with a squid dissection....and although the giant ones scare me, I'm pretty fascinated with the smaller ones. I got to see the total excitement, awe and learning going on as kids played with blowing bubbles, standing inside a bubble, watching air heat and expand a bag so it floated, and many other things. All the work that went into the camp prep was worth it to hear my kids in after camp telling me tons of cool things they did each day. And seeing the girls with Egyptian makeup was amazingly funny.

The lovely girls in their Egyptian makeup as they work on some Egyptian jewelry.

Standing in a bubble, how cool is that?
I love this picture of the bubble and her total concentration on it.

That is the face of a very happy and proud little scientist.
I managed to snap this awesome shot right before the tennis ball launched into the air.

I love this job. I love everything about it. I want to work there for the rest of my life, and if I keep up the good work, that could be an option one day.

Everyone should listen to the following songs:

• "Johnny and June" by Hedi Newfield. "Like Johnny and June, more than life itself, no-one else, this endless promise. they don't make love like that anymore, is that too much to be askin' for?" This song is amazing- amazing voice, amazing picture of love. Who doesn't want a love like the Cashes?
  
• "Love Like This" by Natasha Bedingfield. " We go back so far, swingin in your back yard, all the things that we used to do. we were cool back in high school, ooh I really liked you, must have been your attitude" I love the beat, and it reminds me of those high school crushes you have, and the guy you'll always have a soft spot for.

I want cool episode titles like Psych

I detest having Epstein-Barr Virus. I know, I know, there are way worse chronic things to have, or I could have cancer, but I don't. This is my "chronic illness," and you will shut up and let me deal with it. It's not fair. I don't want it, I never wanted it. If I can fight through mono without realizing it, and force myself to beat sports asthma, why do I still have to deal with this? I can't be me with it. I can't keep going, and going anymore. You'd think I know this after 2 and 1/2 years, but apparently I don't. I forget that I have it, and then it wipes me out. All I want to do is sleep, and I can't, and don't. Because it's summer and I need my freedom.

One of my really good friends is away at ROTC combat training. I'm pretty much in awe of him for being able to do that all day for two weeks, so maybe I can convince myself to wake up early tomorrow and go workout for an hour before work. If John can do hand-to-hand combat for four hours, I can lift some weights and torture myself some with some running and pushups.

I have a friend moving to China in a few weeks, and he wants to see me before he leaves. That would be completely cool, if he wasn't my ex-boyfriend. It's still really awkward between us, and I just don't want to make him think there's anything between us, because there isn't, and even if there was, it's CHINA. I can't handle the idea of a relationship between states, much less countries and continents.

I just don't know anymore. There's so much I want to achieve this summer, and I worry I won't achieve any of it. Please help. I just want to get in glorious shape so I can feel better, I want to be young, and free, and optimistic, and wonderful. I want to be tan, and happy, and competent at my job, and a great swim lesson teacher. I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to come back to school completely happy with everything I did. I want to put an end to the drama that's been going on for 7 years, even if it's not a happy ending. I WANT AN ENDING. and I want a million new beginnings.

i eat/sleep/breathe/dream/live HMNS camp supplies

today i have:

• gotten a blood blister from fixing shelf heights.
• help fill 3 shopping carts completely full of camp supplies
• help get all that stuff through a checkout lane.....and helped spend almost $2000 dollars. OMG.
• said goodbye to John before he goes to Combat Training.....to whoever is in charge of that: if you kill/hurt my movie watching date so we can't see awesome movies together, i will hunt you down. but hey, at least John will be able to teach hand-t0-hand combat and lots of other cool stuff by the time he comes home
• WATCHED INDIANA JONES 4! everyone should go see it, then come back and get excited with me about the love interest, because i was super excited to see her! and tell me what you think about it all!
• gotten a HMNS email address. children, i am very official now.
  

"Parents Get Sad When We Send Dead Kids Home"

True fact. My first day of work was today, with the lovely bonus of Epi-Pen/Preventing Disease Transmission ARC training downtown. (BOO! HISS!)

I spent all morning looking for things to go in unit boxes. And I'm overwhelmed. So overwhelmed I can't think what I wanted to say. But I got a lunch break. And got to put posters up in classrooms.

Driving downtown sucks. If things were marked, Houston, I could get places on time. But no, you would rather assume I know things way before I'm supposed to, so you can mock me with signs at the last minute when I can't get over. Not appreciated. But I survived the trip down, and even got back without using directions and depending soley on my innate inner compass. And the realization if I headed north, I'd hit the major downtown part, and some sign there would direct me to I-45 North, and it turned out I was correct.

I met someone who had an internship at the HMNS a few years ago, and now she's on staff. I would love for that to happen to me one day. But really, I'm working in a well-known museum. This is the best summer job ever!

Lambs in the Woodlands

I went to the woodlands mall w/ KathyO today, and it was pretty awesome. I mean, who else goes to a "chocolate bar" at 3pm? We got delicious food and i got some free milkshake from the cashier guy. weird? yes! delicious? OF COURSE. How it happened: KathyO and I are sitting eating our ice cream and cupcake, and talking about life. We're both looking around the place, which is pretty much empty, and I always seem to catch the eye of the cashier. Anyway, we're talking, laughing, i'm talking with my hands to prove points, and suddenly the cashier shows up with a little glass of milkshake and offers it to me. I think I stared at him like he was crazy, so he explained it was leftover from another milkshake and he thought I would like it. So i thanked him and drank it. It was delicious, but weird to get a free shake from a guy. And we went to Museum where I'm working, and walked through it to look at all the exhibits so I can see it all, and had a blast. There's a cute manager there, and he's in charge of the Paleo Prep Lab...which is working on a real dinosaur skeleton, and it's so cool. I asked what they were doing, and he explained it all, and the story ends with me getting an application to volunteer to work on it, and his card to call him to tell him when I'm bringing it up. I'm pretty excited. SERIOUSLY excited....a real dinosaur skeleton!! and a chance to do real archeology lab work!!!

The police were at my neighbors' house tonight, and they were scoping out the house and checking all the doors and windows, so my mom and sister and I went outside to see what was going on. And because we know the neighbors. Apparently, the panic button on the alarm keypad inside was pressed, so the police were called, but no one was answering the door. So they asked us if we knew anything about it, and we didn't really. They had the alarm company try to call the family, but there wasn't an answer. Anyway, they eventually left, and everything is fine. But it was weird, kinda like my very own taste of a L&O episode.

I start working Wednesday....get excited. I need to go lunch shopping tomorrow, and turn in my check at the bank...which hopefully means getting to see cute bank guy..yay. he's fun to talk to, and I haven't seen him since New Year's, so we have some catching up to do.

Grades:

ALL A'S. INCLUDING CHILDREN'S LIT AND CHILD PSYCH!!! YAY!!!!

and an incomplete in Independent Study Botany....but I don't know why.

Now summer can officially begin!!! YAY!

Work starts tomorrow in 12 hours...keep some fingers crossed for me. I'm pretty nervous, but really excited. I'm all excited to be a real museum employee.

Jack, I miss you. Come home. I went to dinner at a Bar-B-Que place tonight, and I think you would've liked it. And I had Chocolate Raspberry Truffle ice cream tonight, and I loved it!

Things I Think About (summer edition)

thing one: Silence of the Lambs is on, and I'm watching it, even though it'll freak me out the next time I'm alone in someplace dark. This happens all the time, even though I've seen the movie before. Gullible, thy name is Becca.

things two and three: I start work Saturday, even though i was told I wouldn't start until the second week of June, or the week before. As long as I'm paid by the hour, I'm a happy girl though. I get to wear jeans to work everyday, and a Museum Tshirt.....which I don't own. I have a feeling I'll have a ton by the end of May though.

thing four: My best friend and sometime boyfriend Jack (a pseudonym, but clever....ask me about it sometime) is spending his summer working in Ft. Stockton TX. He spends 3 weeks there, 1 week home. He'll be working in a courthouse, doing research to determine who owns the minerals of a given piece of land. (Apparently you can sell the top, but own the minerals....who knew?)

thing five: DUDE! The Scholastic Book Fair Warehouse is AH-MAZING! my mom and I spent $200 dollars on books, but we got a TON! I have some awesome picture books, and some good chapter books, and OH MY GOODNESS, please buy me one for my birthday. I love it. I'd list what I got, but I doubt anyone cares. If you do: Judy Moody, Clementine, Junie B. Jones, Magic Treehouse, Amelia Bedelia, Olivia, Alice the Fairy, some of the (letter) is for (something) books...AWESOME, and lots of other cool ones. but no Knufflebunny....life sure isn't fair.

thing six: If I was braver, I'd start a blog about all the crazy situations I'd get in with boys. Because really, someone should learn from my mistakes, because I'm clearly NOT it. And then I could justify any future ones as fodder for the blog, or advice for someone else. AND( I'm aware this isn't correct English, but I thought it in my head), I could make up names for them. How exciting!!

thing seven: Jack's planning on using some of his paychecks to but my jewelry. I'm thinking James Avery, but what?? I do like this ring: faith, hope, love....but I have no other things I love, other than the jewelry with stars. Ideas are welcomed!

Things to Remember (moving edition)

1. saving random stuff you think you might need is NOT a smart idea.
2. storage units are worth the price
3. if you have a small car, DON'T TAKE TOO MUCH HOME.
4. it's advisable to be able to see out your back windows when driving in Dallas.
5. there is really nothing cool about the Arbuckle Mountains, stop wanting to take pictures.
6. make cool mix CD's to rock out to.
7. the SBux at Exit 496B is DELICIOUS.

moving home doesn't mean that it'll feel like home.

oh so quotable

Quotes that are currently on my mirrors or my computer to keep me going:

" 'My darling', she said at last, 'are you sure you don't mind being a mouse for the rest of your life?''I don't mind at all,' I said. 'It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like so long as somebody loves you.' " -The Witches
"I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that? Didn't he?" - A Little Princess (movie)
"If you can make a girl laugh - you can make her do anything." -Marilyn Monroe
"Wise children always choose a mother who was a shocking flirt in her maiden days, and so had several offers before she accepted their fortunate papa." -J.M. Barrie
"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." -When Harry Met Sally
“Bright Idea #94: If you always ride on the slow rides that don’t lift far off the ground, just because you’re afraid of falling, you won’t fall far, that’s true, but you won’t get many thrills either. And you won’t be proud of yourself when the carnival’s over.” -The Book of Bright Ideas
"Well dear, it's true that adventures are good for people even when they are very young. Adventures can get into a person's blood even if he doesn't remember having them." -The Secret of Platform 13


I've got about a million more, but this is enough for now.

Update on life: currently maintaining chaos.

I saw The Ruins tonight, and I don't recommend it. I get scared easily, and Kyle gets freaked out by too much gore, so we were both a little freaked out during the movie, but if cursed temples, crude surgeries and creepy moving/talking plants then feel free to see it and prove me wrong.

I'm running stadium stairs with Brian and Donald tomorrow....cross your fingers that I can make it through and keep up with them. And that I get a chair in the sorority next year. And if anyone knows how to know if a date is a date, please fill me in.....I'm pretty confused, especially because we've been friends a long time.

and for something happy: a glorious picture of my best friends:

All That Jazz

i spent some much needed time with my big and 3 other girls in my sorority tonight. i really look up to all of them, so i love to spend time getting to know them better, and tonight was amazing. in honor of them, here is the top quote from tonight:

"microbiologists are sexy....think about it" (long pause) "oh!! i get it! sexy because there are boys AND girls!" (confused silence) "no, there wasn't really a deeper meaning to that"

i haven't laughed so long in ages. but for the rest of the week, i should be having a lot of fun.
bullet style To Do list:

• Tuesday and Wednesday mornings: observe in my school
• Tuesday afternoon: formal dress shop with Kym
• Tuesday evening: Cov. group with Traci, Lauren, Emily and then Lifestream with Kristin
• Wednesday afternoon: study with Desiree
• Wednesday evening: movie night with Michael
• Thursday evening: coffee with Stephanie, concert with Kristin, Bible study??
  
• Friday afternoon: work out with Kym.
• Friday night and all day Saturday: LGI class
• Saturday night: movie with Kyle and a surprise party for Lauren
• Sunday night: chapter
  
• Work
• Class every day
• study every day

How do people do more than this in college? my sorority and school take up so much time, plus I'm adding in USing executive, and more observing, plus hopefully being a Big Sister. it's a crazy life, but i love it, and wouldn't trade it for the world.


This is supposed to be a literary blog, so I suppose a good quote will make me feel better about rambling. Let's see.....we'll do two- one from Sherlock Holmes and one from The Constant Gardener:


"My life is spent in one long effort to escape the commonplaces of existence." -Sherlock Holmes, The Red-Headed League (How I feel about my life.) Sherlock Holmes is the most interesting literary character I've ever read about. He's so contradicting and coldly intelligent and yet interesting and charming, that he both repels you and draws you in.


"I only give the food to the women, Mr. Black. Women make the homes, men just make wars... and hooch. Adam was God's first draft - He got it right with Eve. Tell that to your readers, Mr. Black." -Lorbeer, The Constant Gardener. (I love the poignancy of this quote, it's when he drops the food to the women below.) If you've never seen this movie, you really need to. It's amazing.

I have arrived!

There's an A.A. Milne poem called "Halfway down the Stairs" that has always been one of my favorite poems. It also happened the name of my favorite children's bookstore growing up, Halfway Down the Stairs, was taken from this poem. Why call my blog Halfway UP the Stairs? Because I've grown up, but only on the outside. On the inside, I'm still a child. I'm halfway up the stairs in my life.

This blog is to capture those books of my childhood and today that I can't get enough of. If you love reading, children's books, or both, I'm here for you. I want to give you ideas for books that you've never thought of reading, so if you need new books, let me know! I love to recommend my favorites, and I always find new favorites.

To start us off: here's A.A. Milne's classic poem "Halfway Up the Stairs":

Halfway down the stairs
Is a stair where I sit:
There isn't any other stair quite like it.
I'm not at the bottom,
I'm not at the top:
So this is the stair where I always stop.

Halfway up the stairs
Isn't up, and isn't down.
It isn't in the nursery, it isn't in the town:
And all sorts of funny thoughts
Run round my head:
"It isn't really anywhere! It's somewhere else instead!"

If you like this poem, I highly recommend reading Winnie-the-Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner. My dad read them to me when I was little, but I still love to go back and reread them when I need some innocence in my life.

favorite Pooh quote: "No one can be uncheered with a balloon."