I want cool episode titles like Psych

I detest having Epstein-Barr Virus. I know, I know, there are way worse chronic things to have, or I could have cancer, but I don't. This is my "chronic illness," and you will shut up and let me deal with it. It's not fair. I don't want it, I never wanted it. If I can fight through mono without realizing it, and force myself to beat sports asthma, why do I still have to deal with this? I can't be me with it. I can't keep going, and going anymore. You'd think I know this after 2 and 1/2 years, but apparently I don't. I forget that I have it, and then it wipes me out. All I want to do is sleep, and I can't, and don't. Because it's summer and I need my freedom.

One of my really good friends is away at ROTC combat training. I'm pretty much in awe of him for being able to do that all day for two weeks, so maybe I can convince myself to wake up early tomorrow and go workout for an hour before work. If John can do hand-to-hand combat for four hours, I can lift some weights and torture myself some with some running and pushups.

I have a friend moving to China in a few weeks, and he wants to see me before he leaves. That would be completely cool, if he wasn't my ex-boyfriend. It's still really awkward between us, and I just don't want to make him think there's anything between us, because there isn't, and even if there was, it's CHINA. I can't handle the idea of a relationship between states, much less countries and continents.

I just don't know anymore. There's so much I want to achieve this summer, and I worry I won't achieve any of it. Please help. I just want to get in glorious shape so I can feel better, I want to be young, and free, and optimistic, and wonderful. I want to be tan, and happy, and competent at my job, and a great swim lesson teacher. I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to come back to school completely happy with everything I did. I want to put an end to the drama that's been going on for 7 years, even if it's not a happy ending. I WANT AN ENDING. and I want a million new beginnings.