Random days

so, my week since Wednesday has been pretty much awful. Wednesday night, Tom was sick, and really wanted me to stay at his place to make sure he wasn't going to pass out while he was sleeping. If Tom says he needs me, he really does. He can take care of himself pretty well. So, I came over. (Next door...it's nice living next to your boyfriend) We went to bed a little bit before midnight, and slept until about 2. At 2 am, his roommates decided that it was time for me to go home, and opened the door to his room and turned on the light. They announced that it was time for me to go home, and watched me put my sweatshirt and sweatpants over my pajamas. Then I had to walk past all 3 of them on the way to the door. I understand that they aren't comfortable with me spending the night there, but damn, that's the worst way to get the point across. I've never felt more ashamed in my life, and I didn't even do anything! The worst part is, these guys are supposed to be Christian leaders for high schoolers.....hmmmm....not so much. I was pretty sure they all hated me, and that just sucked.

I spent most of Thursday alternating between anger and crying, and thank God for my amazing friends who've been dealing with it all. It's better now- Tom talked to the one who started it, and although he says that I'm welcome at their apartment, I still don't trust them enough to go over there. I think that one actually likes me, but I'm still not sure how the other 3 feel about me. It just sucks to have the trust taken away. I don't even feel comfortable having the one who started it over here, which sucks because he's dating my roommate that I don't get along with. Thank God Tom's on my side and stuck up for me.

Speaking of Tom, the boy now has pneumonia, which means he had a legit reason to want me to stay that night. I took him to the doctor on Friday, and he literally spent all morning there. He's been feeling pretty awful, so my weekend consisted of watching TV and movies with him until he fell asleep, and making sure he eats and takes his medicine since he's out of it most of the time. I spent Valentine's Day grocery shopping with him, and for our dinner date, we got Johnny Carino's pasta to go. (I know, super romantic) His parents know I'm taking care of him, so his dad reminded Tom to make it up to me...so maybe I'll get a Valentine's Day later this week.

Tomorrow I'll spend all morning and part of the afternoon at auditions for Scandals. I'll be the one not dressed in all red, white and pink. My shoes will be rocking though :)

this quote's been sticking with me a lot: "Preach the gospel at all times- if necessary, use words." -St. Francis of Assisi

I'm back....

There's so much I haven't written about, but I'm too lazy and forgetful to try and write it all down. So I'm just pretending it's all up to date.

I am officially sore. HARDCORE so sore I can barely sit up straight or walk. Why? Because my loving boyfriend Tom, has decided to help me get back into my athletic, fit shape that I had for about a year when I first came to college. He does this by having me do modified Crossfit workouts. This is my third one I've done, but I'm pretty sure it's the worst. I had to do 5 push-ups, 10 sit-ups, and 15 squats in a round, and try to do as many rounds as I could in 20 minutes. I'm a smartass and decided that I'd do 15 sit-ups and 10 squats because I can't stand squats, and that decision is up there on the list of stupidest decisions I've ever made (beaten only by getting so drunk I threw up for 2 hours the weekend of OU/TX 09). I keep telling myself that I'm going to love the results, but it's hard to get up to go and workout when just walking up and down steps kills you. Blah.

Scandals Exec has taken over my Wednesday nights. I'm so excited to be a stage manager again, even though it's not the same as in theatre. I get to wear all black and be awesome again! Until then, I'm bored and not really doing anything. Auditions for the show are Sunday, so that'll be fun.

Speaking of Sundays, I'm going to help teach 2nd grade sunday school at Journey! YAY! Also, I hopefully get to start singing in the praise band for sunday school too. I'm really nervous because I haven't sang in front of anyone for real since high school, and I didn't think I was that great then. Tom is wonderful and has always been telling me I sound great and wanting me to sing when we're playing Rockband. He's pretty much the reason I'm doing that.

Classes are super busy...something's due all the time. I hate it. This semester is going to kill me....speaking of class, I have to go get ready and then head out.

collection of random thoughts

1) I miss Jack terribly. I'm ready for him to come home from Spain, or at least find a way to communicate with me while he's there. I just want my boyfriend home closer to me. I need my best friend back.

2) My mom wants to pay my sorority dues because she's so happy that it's been such a positive influence on me. That's all well and good, but part of me thinks that she's going to be paying KT's dues and just doesn't want to be unfair. And if you know me at all, you know that I've been saying that if KT's dues get paid for by them, I'm getting them to pay mine, but right now I really like the independence of paying my own dues. It's nice to afford something I really want. We'll see what happens.

3) Watching the Olympics is amazing, but part of me still gets a little sad when I watch the swimming. Now I know I was never on track to be that caliber, but still, it's hard to watch my favorite events knowing that I've swam my last competitive races. (Just wait, I'm going to be a Master's Swimmer someday because I can't sit out that long) My grandma was over tonight watching with us, and was talking about how all three of us kids are good swimmers, and how KT is at a school with an amazing swim program and she wanted to know if KT was swimming there. So we ended up discussing the types of swimmers we were. Basically, I was pure heart. I don't think my technique was great, nor was I really fast, but I was so competitive that I'd win a race just by sheer will. I'd rather die then let someone beat me, and I've never been happier than when I was pushed to the limit and prevailed. That's the part of me that sometimes wishes I'd quit theatre to swim. It's complicated, but I just feel like I missed out on something and I can't get it back.

4) Speaking of Jack, my mom and I were discussing how we felt about him meeting my grandpa before he started declining, and I said I was happy grandpa had met him at all, implying that if I do marry Jack someday and Grandpa was dead, at least he'd met him and got to know him. My mom said that she was fine with me marrying him someday, and that her only complaint was that I was too young, but that time had fixed that. She said that before we got married or engaged, we should spend time in the same town, seeing each other everyday. Wise words, but it was weird to hear my mom approve of a future marriage, and to think that I'm getting old enough to make that decision soon.

5) I feel so confident this summer. I've gotten my dream internship and then ROCKED it, leading to a future job next summer if I want it. It's amazing to know what that does to your self-worth. I've proven myself to others, and had the time of my life doing it. I've reached a place where I'm happy with what God's given me, and I don't want anything more right now. I want to go back to school, take my confidence there and build on it. I want to be a grownup girl, not a teenager.

6) Six word memoirs are amazing. Try writing your life in 6 words, and see how cool it is. Here are some of my favorites from the preview video for the book:
Danced in a field of possibility. -Deepak Chopra
Revenge is living well, without you. -Joyce Carol Oates
Not a good Christian, but trying. -Alexander Tsai
Bad reputation, such a good girl. -Erin Oldroyd

Current State of the Union (of Texas)

• Speedo has a new swimsuit called the LZR suit. Around 27 world records have been broken in it. I officially can NOT wait until the Olympics start. It's going to be the greatest swim meet I've ever seen. And the science in the suit makes me want to change my major and work on developing more suits like that.
  
• Jack's little brother Joseph is at Camp this week, and I'm his ride to and from it. It's actually really fun to get to hang out with him one on one, and he's a pretty cool little kid. He's really enjoying camp, and it's awesome getting to see his excitement about the things he gets to do there.
• I've been offered a walking stick bug from the Museum as a pet if I want it. They're the coolest bugs ever. They just pretend to be sticks for 12 hours of the day, shake when they walk, and even blow spit drops at you if you stare at them for too long. Plus, they're half-blind so they just hang out if you pick them up and hold them. They're cute too. The sad thing is, my mom doesn't want one in the house, so I can't get it until right before college. It's gonna be awesome.
• Work is great. I got to volunteer my neck to help create a strangulation scenario for the CSI camp. The rope marks that are on my neck are going to be part of the crime scene and the kids are going to have to make rope impressions to figure out which rope strangled me. It's pretty fun to get to do that to help kids learn.
• I miss Jack horribly, but he gets home Thursday night or Friday morning, and he'll be here for a week. I can't wait. We're going to an Astros game Sunday, and will hang out a lot next week.
• I spend all my time working, and when I get home I fall asleep pretty early. I rarely get online, which is why these posts have been few and far between.
• The Tudors is my favorite cable TV show, next to Psych, but I have to watch it on DVD because I don't get Showtime. I've been immersed in Tudor England for the past few days, and actually had a dream about being part of the court last night. I think I'm officially a nerd.
• I need to think of more interesting things to write about.
  

There's something 'bout a man in black that makes me wanna buy a cadillac

I need concerns, problems, and feelings to share in order to have things to talk about in my weekly supervisor meetings that will be reported to the VolunteerHouston people. But I don't. Sadly, I am well-adjusted, can handle stress and new situations, and generally coexist very well with the people I work with. This makes for a very boring meeting.

But, luckily for us, the meeting was held on the way to Sam's Club where we were treated to delicious samples of cheesecake, chicken, and assorted other goodies, including shaved Parmesan cheese....which I don't understand. I love that cheese, but not a cup of shaved pieces all by their lonesome.

*NEWSFLASH* My future fiance is now going to have to find a way to top this. A diamond that used to be a star is officially the coolest thing in the world. As someone who is obsessed with stars, and is refusing to own any real diamonds until my engagement ring, I'm immediately thinking that they should somehow get parts of that diamond to Earth where I can get a ring made from them. Tiffany & Co.- I nominate you.

This week was the first real week of camp, which means I've been AWOL since I work very full days now and worked even more the week before getting ready for all the chaos. Anyway, camp is pretty much amazing. I got to assist with a squid dissection....and although the giant ones scare me, I'm pretty fascinated with the smaller ones. I got to see the total excitement, awe and learning going on as kids played with blowing bubbles, standing inside a bubble, watching air heat and expand a bag so it floated, and many other things. All the work that went into the camp prep was worth it to hear my kids in after camp telling me tons of cool things they did each day. And seeing the girls with Egyptian makeup was amazingly funny.

The lovely girls in their Egyptian makeup as they work on some Egyptian jewelry.

Standing in a bubble, how cool is that?
I love this picture of the bubble and her total concentration on it.

That is the face of a very happy and proud little scientist.
I managed to snap this awesome shot right before the tennis ball launched into the air.

I love this job. I love everything about it. I want to work there for the rest of my life, and if I keep up the good work, that could be an option one day.

Everyone should listen to the following songs:

• "Johnny and June" by Hedi Newfield. "Like Johnny and June, more than life itself, no-one else, this endless promise. they don't make love like that anymore, is that too much to be askin' for?" This song is amazing- amazing voice, amazing picture of love. Who doesn't want a love like the Cashes?
  
• "Love Like This" by Natasha Bedingfield. " We go back so far, swingin in your back yard, all the things that we used to do. we were cool back in high school, ooh I really liked you, must have been your attitude" I love the beat, and it reminds me of those high school crushes you have, and the guy you'll always have a soft spot for.

I want cool episode titles like Psych

I detest having Epstein-Barr Virus. I know, I know, there are way worse chronic things to have, or I could have cancer, but I don't. This is my "chronic illness," and you will shut up and let me deal with it. It's not fair. I don't want it, I never wanted it. If I can fight through mono without realizing it, and force myself to beat sports asthma, why do I still have to deal with this? I can't be me with it. I can't keep going, and going anymore. You'd think I know this after 2 and 1/2 years, but apparently I don't. I forget that I have it, and then it wipes me out. All I want to do is sleep, and I can't, and don't. Because it's summer and I need my freedom.

One of my really good friends is away at ROTC combat training. I'm pretty much in awe of him for being able to do that all day for two weeks, so maybe I can convince myself to wake up early tomorrow and go workout for an hour before work. If John can do hand-to-hand combat for four hours, I can lift some weights and torture myself some with some running and pushups.

I have a friend moving to China in a few weeks, and he wants to see me before he leaves. That would be completely cool, if he wasn't my ex-boyfriend. It's still really awkward between us, and I just don't want to make him think there's anything between us, because there isn't, and even if there was, it's CHINA. I can't handle the idea of a relationship between states, much less countries and continents.

I just don't know anymore. There's so much I want to achieve this summer, and I worry I won't achieve any of it. Please help. I just want to get in glorious shape so I can feel better, I want to be young, and free, and optimistic, and wonderful. I want to be tan, and happy, and competent at my job, and a great swim lesson teacher. I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to come back to school completely happy with everything I did. I want to put an end to the drama that's been going on for 7 years, even if it's not a happy ending. I WANT AN ENDING. and I want a million new beginnings.

i eat/sleep/breathe/dream/live HMNS camp supplies

today i have:

• gotten a blood blister from fixing shelf heights.
• help fill 3 shopping carts completely full of camp supplies
• help get all that stuff through a checkout lane.....and helped spend almost $2000 dollars. OMG.
• said goodbye to John before he goes to Combat Training.....to whoever is in charge of that: if you kill/hurt my movie watching date so we can't see awesome movies together, i will hunt you down. but hey, at least John will be able to teach hand-t0-hand combat and lots of other cool stuff by the time he comes home
• WATCHED INDIANA JONES 4! everyone should go see it, then come back and get excited with me about the love interest, because i was super excited to see her! and tell me what you think about it all!
• gotten a HMNS email address. children, i am very official now.